Hello, dear reader. Today we are going to talk about life and I am going to open my heart to you. We will talk about giving up, letting go, releasing, surrender… I will be opening up my heart to share my reflections on the profound act of surrender in this article.

Surrender what? Dreams, plans, relationships, life cycles, career, jobs…you name it! Surrender the natural cycles that shape our lives.

Surrender to who? To God, to the universe, to life… it depends on your beliefs.

Surrender, in my view, is a poignant expression of self-care and love, a process that, although initially painful, unfolds with profound wisdom.

We will engage in a genuine exploration, inviting you to reflect on your own journey through life's twists and turns. I feel emotional in this very moment while writing. I decided to do it after a Podcast I heard one hour ago.

In August 2018, I moved to San Francisco, California, with a dream that had been brewing in my mind since 2013, the dream of working and living in Silicon Valley. The allure of Silicon Valley had captured my imagination every time the iconic Golden Gate Bridge graced my screen, compelling me to believe that one day, I had to call that place of innovation: home.

For years, I nurtured the vision of not just working but thriving in Silicon Valley. I envisioned establishing a tech for good company and seeking funding in the heart of innovation.

In my idealized perspective, Silicon Valley was a haven for startup founders, a collaborative ecosystem where ideas flowed freely, and mutual support was the norm. Perhaps, I was a bit too idealistic, naive even, thinking that breaking into this dynamic world wouldn't be as challenging as reality proved it to be.

In January 2022, I was exhausted, I felt like giving up, I was tired and weary, I did not want to fight anymore… but it wasn't until May that I made the decision to leave San Francisco.

Nevertheless it took me 5 months to actually do it. The notion of surrender took hold during a drive home from a birthday party, surrounded by the city's sunset crossing the Bay Bridge, where I though “I am done, this is enough". Overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety, I called my sister, ultimately choosing to return to my hometown, Colombia, in October 2022.

The process culminated in the decision to relinquish everything I had built in the vibrant yet challenging landscape of San Francisco. To be transparent, it still carries a weight, though with time, the burden eases, and a quiet sense of healing prevails.

Born and bred in Colombia, my latin roots and 65% native south American blood shape my identity. In a society where resilience is celebrated and surrender dismissed, comparisons and unspoken competitions abound. Raised by a resilient single mother, her early widowhood set an unyielding example. Her grace and generosity fueled my self-imposed burden to excel.

It was very challenging living in the Bay Area, sensing early that I did not belong there, I hesitated to embrace surrender, silencing my inner voice.

Folks, my environment was never the corporate one, I worked in Human Rights traveling around the world doing local development and learning about different cultures, I like working with communities, getting dirty, doing research and talking to people.

I worked in the Non profit world for many years where everything was about love, community orientation and social impact, I thought it was like this in every field, so naive….I even had a Non Profit organization for 4 years, where was only surrounded by people like me. I was not prepared for the wild capitalism and materialist world…

Nevertheless I learnt many things living in Sf, and I am do grateful I had the opportunity to live that experience. One of the most important things I learnt was to talk to business and tech people, I took me 4 years to learn it. The for profit world language one, is so different to the non profit one.

In 2019 I met a lady that worked for United Nations in the Middle East and she told me: “if you talk too much about social impact they get lost in the conversation and the only way to get them back is mentioning numbers, they love numbers”. I understood what she meant later.

I stayed in the city of San Francisco for 4 long years. Regret now persists, I am not going to lie, I always wonder why did I put myself through all of that suffering. I got caught in societal pressures and expectations that I put on myself. Our society tends to glorify success stories, but there's intrinsic wisdom in acknowledging defeat.

I was so drained and depressed, it was like a juncture where my emotions resembled a fractured leg, broken on the inside, but not able to see from the outside. I was bleeding internally, yet lacking the time to tend to the wounds, I found myself in a relentless cycle of non-stop work, ignoring my inner-self, all in pursuit of going towards my dream.

Have you ever felt like a fading plant, losing joy step by step? The things you once loved bring no happiness, and even sunny days feel heavy with depression, loneliness, boredom and anxiety?

It's a tough place where dark thoughts make existence unbearable… At that time I wanted to convince myself that everything was ok, my mind was focused on my dream and my career success no matter what I had to endure to achieve it.

BUT PEOPLE…

Who decided that accomplishments matter more than our mental well-being?
Who ingrained the idea that only through extreme pain can we earn rewards, and the more agonizing the process, the greater the prize?
Who labeled surrender as a trait for losers?

It has been one year and 4 months since I came back to Colombia (I am writing this in January 2024)

I had to surrender and let it go, I had to leave everything behind and start again back in my hometown, I sold my car, quit my job, and left all the plans I had in SF, but my mind is full of dreams still…

This decision has been the most challenging I've faced, and I'm eager to share the invaluable lessons I've gathered throughout this profound journey with all of you:

Cultivate your Inner Peace: Prioritize your contentment as a valuable marker of success, irrespective of external achievements. Listen to me friend, your worth does not depend on your achievements , your money, your job, or your relationship. Remember this.
Embrace your emotional well-being and listen to your body and soul: Acknowledge and embrace your feelings rather than suppressing or ignoring them. It is important to understand the needs of both your body and soul.
If you feel overwhelmed or tired take some free time, talk to friends and vent, call a family member, sleep, go for a walk, go hiking, have an ice cream, do something that makes you happy and do something entertaining.
Accepting that feeling fatigued in the soul, is a valid and important signal that needs attention and care.

Give yourself permission to pivot and be flexible in your goals: Give urself permission to change course. Goals can evolve and change, be flexible in your aspirations. Pivot and explore new avenues without guilt or judgment. There are gazillion options in this world, open your mind my friend and see beyond your belief. When a cycle is over, the possibilities are endless and you can create new endeavors, experiences and stories. Good things are ahead, believe me.
Freedom from External Validation: Break free from the societal pressure to impress or prove oneself to others. You do not have to prove anything to anyone, do u know why? Because nobody cares! Everyone is fighting their own battle, you are not the only one, you are not the center of the universe. If they want to talk or think whatever the hell they want about u, let them! it's their problem. When you know who you are, you do not have to prove anything to anyone.

Honor personal limits: Learn to get to know yourself in a deeper level and love yourself, if you do not do it first, none will. Do not talk to yourself the way you would not talk to other people. It is important to acknowledge personal limits and understanding that it's acceptable to set boundaries for a healthier lifestyle.

It's Ok to Give Up: Recognize that letting go, isn't synonymous with failure; it can be a strategic pivot. Life is actually saving you from something you do not know, life is giving you a better alternative, even if you can not see that now, trust the process and thank God for the things that did not go the way you wanted, you will see why later.

Celebrating small wins. Life is a journey, not a sprint: Find joy in small achievements and appreciating your journey's milestones, not just the final destination. Enjoy the new journey and focus on the positive. Cultivating gratitude diminishes the urge to complain. Success is a continuous journey rather than a race with a fixed destination.

Reevaluating beliefs: Challenge and reevaluate societal beliefs, dismiss the belief that suffering, extreme sacrifice and hardship are prerequisites for achieving worthwhile goals.

Adaptability: Build resilience by adapting to challenges and learn from setbacks. The faster you move on, the more adaptable you become and the less you will suffer. While allowing yourself time to grieve is crucial, avoid lingering there excessively. Do not get accustomed to a perpetual companionship with sadness and drama in their lives.

Self-Reflection is a Strength: Self-reflection is a source of strength, not weakness. I met people in America that were uncomfortable with quietude, avoiding solitude and introspection. Some because of work, others because they did not want to process their own emotions, and this is why there are so many people dealing severe anxiety, depression and low self esteem. Yet, your moments of solitude hold immense power.

Accept fate: Acknowledge that some outcomes are beyond your control. Direct your focus to what you can influence to avoid unnecessary frustration. Be conscious of this opportunity and leverage it for your development.

Dispelling the myth of perfection: None is perfect and what is perfection anyways?… Perfection is an unattainable ideal, mistakes and stubbornness are necessary for our personal growth. Striving for it hampers performance and creativity decreases.
Stop comparing yourself to others: Firstly, you don't fully know their journey and life, and if given the choice, you'd likely choose your own path again. Each journey is unique, and success is subjective. Secondly, social media presents a facade, what's posted doesn't always reflect reality. During my time in San Francisco, I'd share pictures of fun moments, but behind the scenes, I'd return home to cry for hours.

Practice Patience: When you surrender, there is a season of pain and confusion afterwards and that is normal. Do not expect to feel great from one day to another, you are not a machine, you are a Human Being and everything in life is a process.

Humility in Learning: Do not point at anyone that has decided to take the decision of giving up or surrender. Do not judge, you do not know the whole story. Do not think of urself as the strongest person on earth, we all deal with surrender at some point in our lives. Be empathetic with people going through this tough process.

Indeed, I've surrendered. I've let go, I gave up the idea of staying in Silicon Valley, at least for now. I walked away from the dream. Yet, I remain strong, resilient, sensitive, and courageous. I am not weak for not fighting anymore, I chose my mental health, self love and happiness over professional achievements and I do not regret it. I trust the direction of life, I trust the process and I trust God.

In May 2022, a dear friend of mine took her own life in San Francisco, she could not anymore. This served as a wake-up call for me…

Despite occasional hints of her unhappiness, the severity of her mental state was largely unknown. I must confess, the thought of ending everything crossed many times my mind as well, but I chose to heed my inner voice and find refuge in my faith. I wrote a poem for her to honor her life, you can find it here.

Hope this helped you!

Bogota, Colombia. January 2024

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